May 20, 2010

I am back.

physically, I mean.

but I am not back emotionally.

nor will I ever be in the same place I was just 2 short weeks ago.

trials change us.

for awhile, I won't be quite as carefree,

the sun won't shine as brightly.

someday it will stop:

that sick, sinking feeling deep in my gut

that comes every time I think of Wyatt

I wish, with all of my heart,

I could reach into Brittany and Ili's minds

and remove the pain.

I know from experience, that

one day,

I will find a place to put all of this;

it is a place that forces me to rely on my faith....more than ever

and I will be stronger than before

and a little more pragmatic

and hopefully, tempered and resilient and more faithful...

to face the next trial

because the next trial will come

and oh how I hope it comes to me

and not to my loved ones,

because that is so much harder to take.


my dear Wyatt,

I miss you. I love you. You are, and always will be, an important part of our family. You must be a most valiant spirit, far beyond that of my own. You came to exceptional parents; Papa and I will remain with them until we all, anxiously, meet you again.

I want you to know that your short time here served a purpose in my life. You touched me deeply. You made my goal, to live again with my family and Father in Heaven, very personal. I rededicate myself to that goal and promise you I will live the best life I can, so that I can be with you again.

Until that day, much love,



Cheryl Joy said...

Oh Diane...
I don't know what to say...
but I hope the sun shines brighter soon.

Marci said...

I'm glad you guys made it back home and I love your little note to Wyatt. It's amazing how much he taught us and touched us even if we didn't actually meet him in this life.

The Chrissy Herself said...

So beautiful Momma. I feel exactly the same way about him.

Lynnie said...

Diane, my heart has ached for you, ... and your sweet family. I would not want you to experience this kind of pain, but you did. Your family is so perfect, so close, and was so happy. Now, it's as if the happiness has been pushed off a high shelf, falling to the floor below. You really do evaluate your faith, your strength, your desire to do anything. I bet you felt you needed to be strong for your family. You definietly want to (and need to) take a break from everyday life. It will take time to regain momentum and motivation. I thought of Brittany so much on Mother's Day. It must have been a sad day. What are Brittany's plans now? Please let us know how she is doing. I've been checking the blog almost daily, and could see that you were not ready .... It was good to hear from you. Love you...

Jennifer Gibbs Kambourian said...

I'm so glad so many in the family were able to gather in Fresno for little Wyatt's funeral. I'm also thankful that Brittany and Ili have you and Steve and so many loved ones close by. This kind of thing makes the gospel so real and meaningful. Sending my love and prayers to all of you...

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post Diane. You made me cry. Thank you for your testimony. The gospel is so true. It's wonderful to have the knowledge that we have. It's wonderful that you have the faith that you have. Thank you for your example.

Grammie Star Wars said...

Dear Freeman Family,
Challenges come and go, this challenge will stay, because the goal is easier to see and keep, knowing Wyatt is waiting for each of you to come home.

Heavenly Father is so close to you, he wants you to see the sunshine and his glories love for you and your family.

He is carrying each of you everyday, and he is listening and teaching you of his love for all mankind.

Time is an amazing gift to each of us. In his own due time we will see much.

Sister Petersen aka Grammie Star Wars ;.)

Brittany said...

Beautiful mom. Though I have started reading blogs, albeit with tears and strong sobs for the Wyatt related posts and comments from readers, I thank you all.


About Me

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I married my high school sweetheart 34 years ago in the LDS Temple. I have 4 children (3 married, and a 14 year old) and 6 grandchildren. I lived my entire life in California, until 6 years ago. I now reside in San Antonio, Texas. The most important thing to me is my family; I have invested the most in them and it has paid great dividends. I love doing anything creative that beautifies my surroundings and I love nature. I minored in Art and majored in Interior Design at BYU, yet, my profession is a Tax Preparer.

Steve and I

Steve and I

Steve and I

Steve and I
Pismo Beach

Our Family

Our Family

Mike, Marci & Family

Mike, Marci & Family

Brittany & Ili

Brittany & Ili

Zach & Chrissy

Zach & Chrissy